keep the 'oh-so-sorry' to yourself

I just can’t help feeling forlorn each time I see the photos we took in the past. I am missing the brother I use to know; his cheeky smiles, his domineering attitude, his scary glare, his charisma, his helpful advises, his interesting stories, —everything.

Sometimes I do doubt the sympathy and concern people are giving. If they have spend all the years i know of, giving unkind remarks, what makes them change exactly. It seems more for the sake of doing it, or better still, to lessen the guilt they feel.

I grew up in the environment, where people are constantly comparing their children; be it academic, looks, schools or curriculum activities. Even so, my mother had never compared us with others. I asked myself to perform, regardless. But for my brothers, they are rather different. They do what they feel like, what they want and never do they care about those unnecessary comments — whoever cares, this is what they said.

I know they are smart, much more capable then me in many ways. Hence, it always got me agitated when people just doubt them, merely because of their academics. But I told myself that one day, my 2 brothers will prove them wrong and excel in life. They will.

But things for now are no longer the same, or do it still?
I have no idea.
What I know of;

I’m waiting, still, for the elder brother I once knew to come back.